Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Chinese Conspiracy Theory

Click the title.

Montclair State University

It's a quiet place up here in these mountains. At least it used to be. I used to feel safe walking at like 3 o'clock in the morning here. Lately, I have been noticing more and more cops patrolling near my dorm. Like sometimes I feel like I'm living back in the hood like 'who they lookin' for now?' The main campus dorms are starting to look like the projects. In our rooms we have project heat and it's dark. People just sit in their windows and stare at other people. JUST LIKE IN THE HOOD. It's crazy!! I came to college to escape all of that. People trying to pop off in the lounges. Like please get it through your head. YOU ARE IN COLLEGE, YOU NOT HOOD NO MORE!!!!!!!!!!

Next, I need to address the food. It's amazing how EVERYTHING tastes like water. I got a brownie that tasted like sweet water. I got some mac and cheese that tasted like creamy water. I got a rice krispie treat out of the vending machine that didn't even taste right. WTF???? I'm so hungry. It doesn't matter how much salt and pepper you empty onto the food it still tastes the same. It's like the food ABSORBS the salt and pepper. It's like a magical water they use that overpowers all taste. Even the burgers are soggy and taste like water. It's like chewy water with ketchup or whatever you put on your burger. And even though you know it's going to taste the same each time you order it again because you get your hopes up. Even the pudding tastes like WATER. I thought pudding was made with milk??? Can someone please bring me some food.

Lastly, for today, I need to bring up the vendors. I understand and commend them for having their own businesses and trying to make money. Where else better to do it than a college campus? But these motherfuckers are rude. I'm tired of this age-ism. You come here because you want us to buy your shit but you treat us like shit. There is this one fat lady who is always on the phone. Now see.......I used to work retail for three years and now I work in customer service. It is nothing that misses me off more that rude sales people. Sometimes I just feel like bitchslapping these people with their own merchandise. It's not my fault you 47 years old trying to pay your rent selling woven bracelets. That's a personal problem. There was this one bitch. YEA SHE WAS A BITCH. She tried to sell me a woman's hat and scarf set for my father like I don't know the difference. When I asked her bitch ass if she had stuff for men she shoulda said no. Instead, she argued with me and got mad cuz I called her shit cheap and was like fuck it. All the while that bitch never stopped eating her chinese food to come and help me. I wanted to trash everything but I believe in karma.

Monday, January 26, 2009

Wastefullness (is that a word??)

Up until today I thought I wanted to go green. I was on board like yea lets chain ourselves to trees and make bowel movements in our yards to save water. But that all changed when I went into the Blanton Cafe and there was nothing but styrofoam and plastic eating utensils. First off, less food fits on those little ass plates. Then, there is the risk of the plate breaking. Secondly, is my thrist supposed to be quenched with that little as cup. I guess so with the smaller portion. I don't mind the plastic forks and shit besides the fact that you can pick up shit with the fork or cut anything with the knife. They already get rid of the trays last semester causing me to make multiple trips. I got over that but now they have gone too far. They are going to stop fucking with my food. I hate feeling like I'm fat when I gotta go up 2 and three times to get whatever else I want to eat. I really wish they would send out e-mails first before they make these drastic changes. But I have one question........they are trying to cut back on water consumption but doesn't styrofoam sit in landfills and take forever to breakdown???????????

So I say fuck going green if it's going to interfere with my food. We already fucked up the earth so fucking face the facts and continue to be wasteful until we destroy this bitch.

**disclaimer: I am not serious about the comments I made in this post. I love the earth and wish it could be a better place :).

Where is Michael?

So I went to Tech today to get the virus off my computer. Then, I went back to my room to do what gave me the virus in the first place, download music. And for a while now I have been telling myself that after I finally take my computer to tech I'm gonna download some Michael Jackson. I love Michael's music. But hey who doesn't???????? Exactly, NO ONE. I know Michael is a little fucked up in the head, but you can't blame him. I just want another album. I'm going to write a letter to the Michael Jackson fan club and demand another album. I don't know how the world has gone so long without a hit. Me and my roomate who gave me the idea for this post (SPECIAL SHOUT OUT TO ::::::::LAUREN M.::::::::: Love you girl)
were in our room jamming to some of these hits when this dawned on me:

1. You rock my world
2. Butterflies
3. The way you make me feel

I LOVE MICHAEL. Joe needs to jump out of the closet and start swinging on him again or something because I feel that I am suffering from wackmusicnessitis. Wachmusicnessitis is very common these days and one of the few cures is another Michael Album. We need to form and angry mob and rush the Neverland Ranch or something.

But on another note I came across this website today http://www.anomalies-unlimited.com/Jackson.html It is about the history of Michael Jackson's face. Pretty entertaining stuff.

Even though we have seen Michael go through many ups and downs and ass whoopings and molestation cases we can't get enough of that movie The Jackson Five: An American Dream (I think that is the title)

I got the pic from this site vvvvvvvvvvvvvvv


CHEESE!!!!!!!!! THAT"S IT.

So I have an 8:30a.m. class that lets out just in time for me to still make it to breakfast. So there is this new guy working there. He sounds like the guy in this youtube video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OjAOLKsD-oo
Ok so I always order my eggs the same way. A cheese omelette (is that how you spell it?) Anyway, I order my eggs and get off line so that there can be space for the next person. So I ordered my eggs and stood to the side and this dumb motherfucker gave mines to someone else with their toppings and everything. So I told him Hey that was my omelette. And he responded O well that is why I don't like people to get off line. So after he gave mines away he made me another one and still handed it to another person. He asked me about 3 times what I wanted on my eggs. FUCKING AMERICAN CHEESE!!!!!!! QUESO de Americana!!!!!!!!! Furmage!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now I have to blast this guy.

1. with those thick ass glasses he should be able to record the past and see the future
2. are you that fucking slow that you can't see me standing RIGHT THE FUCK NEXT TO YOU
3. and next time he adds extra yolk to my eggs i just might send the plate back in his face
4. does anyone need a job? cuz you can just apply for a food position at montclair state if fucking ocd dyslexic retards like him get hired
5. someone needs to get his ass a notepad, a tape recorder or something. update the fucking software in his glasses please!!

Stuff like this is what sends me over the top. My pancakes almost got cold.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

It's going too far man

So I was sittin' in the house watching television and this commercial comes on..........i know you had to see it.........it's one of those birth control test.........pee pee stick thingies........first thing i would like to address is the angle the commercial comes on at.........the pee pee stick looks huge and reminds me of a spaceship..........i'm thinking is this battle star galactica or something...........then there is like a powerful and mighty voice saying something like 'now introducing the most high efficiency pregnancy test EVER'.........you would think they were trying to sell a razor or something........so anyway now the pee pee sticks have a message pop up that says 'pregnant' because i guess dumb people can understand plus and minus..........pretty soon the thing is gonna be talking..........if they do make i talk i hope i can be the one to record the message......it would go a little something like this......'I don't know how much more clear this shit can get you dumb bitch.........but YOU ARE PREGNANT.......YES we know you can believe it.......now just hope that man doesn't leave your ass you ol' crumb snatcher'.......or if it's negative.........'Consider your ass lucky this time........you can still go and drop it like it's hot cuz you ain't knocked......NYE.........NO.......that's for the slow bitches' That would be something funny..........they could atleast make the pee pee sticks reusable........i think they make those things defective on purpose so people can buy alot of them..........like i was watchin this one show and this lady didn't know she was pregnant til she delivered.........this chick was a firefighter puttin out fires and shit 9 months pregnant LMAO......cuz she said that used 3 of those sticks and they all sed neg...........if that was my test........she woulda knew she was pregent even if i had to jump out the pregnancy test and bitch slap her.......like you pregnant.........like estas embarazada stupida..........LMAO........it's like damn how much more simpler could they make things for you in america.........like the person that sued mc donalds because the coffee cup didn't say it was hot..........WTF.........HUH.........then if that she wasn't hot they still woulda complained...........like i'm sure that is not the first time your ass sipped a cup of coffee..........you could feel that the cup was warm..........people just really tick me off..........dumb motherfuckers

Thursday, December 18, 2008

HA HA HA HA Is all that I can say

I kept hearing about someone throwing a shoe at Bush. So I had to youtube it. OMGoodness!!!!!!!!! LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!! ROFL!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The secret service didn't see that dude takin' off his shoes LMAO. Well middle eastern people be walkin' round barefoot anyway so they prolly thought it was a cutural thing. But, that shit was funny as I dunno what. Bush str8 ducked and dude threw another one. Was it a shoe or a dusty ass sandal LMAO. You could see dust clouds comin' out those bitches. LMAO ROFFLMAO that shit looked like a boomerang. I thought it was gonna come back after it missed. The secret service reacted all slow. They prolly planned that shit with the dude and was in the back laughin'. And how bush gon duck and try to keep talkin' and laugh it off. That was like some shit I saw in pooty tang. I hope that one day my children will learn about that in history books. It would ben even funnier if it woulda hit him. Imagine the face he woulda made. Bush couldn't even be mad because he know he fucked up LOL. I would even like to recap what was prolly going through that man's head.

Guy that threw shoes thoughts prior to:

**Apoo accent from The Simpsons**

What the fuck is this. Why are people even still listening to him. Dumb motherfucker. **Looks Down at shoes** Fuck this. **throws shoes**

The secret service prolly pretended to use force and patted him on the back after they let him out the back door. LMAO. When everybody went to go get the guy they shoulda jumped Bush while no one was looking. I woulda jumped in.